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I remember how nervous I was as a Novice so I try to 'lighten' up
the competitors during the judge's brief. With apologies to Dr. Suess, I
concocted a few variations on his
famous song. Jim Carrey eat your heart out!... From Marquand Cheek
Words 'borrowed' from MGM's 1966 Film of Dr. Suess' "How the Grinch
Stole Christmas" with some third, sixth and ninth verse agility
additions...
NOTE: Verses titled by AKC categories, but could be any flavor
really.
EXCELLENT VERSES:
You're a mean one, Mr. Judge
You really are a Heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Judge...
You're a bad banana ... with a greasy black peel !!! ...
You're a Monster, Mr. Judge
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Judge...
I wouldn't touch you ... with a 39&1/2 foot pole !!! ...
You're a cruel one, Mr. Judge
A collapsed tunnel under the A-Frame.
Your triple is despicable,
And the off-side weaves are very lame, Mr. Judge...
We think you're as dumb as a pile of rocks and can only guess
that you got your license out of... a Cracker Jack Box !!! ...
OPEN VERSES:
You're a vile one, Mr. Judge
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr.
Judge
... Given the choice between the two of you, ...
I'd take a ... the Sea Sick Crocodile!!! ...
You're a Rotter, Mr. Judge
You're the King of Sinful sots.
You're a harsh and dead tomato
Splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Judge...
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich... with
Arsenic Sauce!!! ...
You're an evil one, Mr. Judge
What in the heck were you a thinkin'?
This Open course is full of traps
You're just rotten and you're a stinkin', Mr. Judge...
With 3 jumps to the Weave Poles, we can only hope that you
have... a heart attack and collapse!!! ...
NOVICE VERSES:
You nauseate me, Mr. Judge
With a nauseous, super 'naus'.
You're a crooked dirty jockey
And you drive a crooked horse, Mr. Judge...
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most
disgraceful assortment imaginable, mangled up... in tangled up
knots.
You're a foul one, Mr. Judge
You're a nasty, wasty Skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
And your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Judge...
the 3 words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: ...
STINK, STANK, STUNK !!!...
You make me sick to my stomach, Mr. Judge
To finish with a Broad Jump.
You've got to have mush for brains
With just an occasional gooey lump!, Mr. Judge...
Your nothing but a lousy, fist raising, whistle blowing, wishy-washy
pile... of fresh dog doo !!!
Happy Howlidays ! :) >> |
