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It begins...
A dead tree, normally fair game for marking, is dragged into the living room.
Ornaments resembling dainty dog toys are sprinkled over the branches but you
can't mark or mouth anything! The people are fiercely protective of this oddity.
It is even strung with warning lights. The doggies huddle and discuss the
matter. The oldest explains this seasonal madness to the youngster. "The
people have gone mad - it will pass. Give it three weeks."
Soon, tons of food begin to fill the house - none of it for dogs! Next, huge
overstuffed bags and boxes appear and are crammed into closets with no ceremony
at all. The dogs have seen squirrels hoard in this way, but they are worried.
When your people begin to act like squirrels no good can come of it.
Then strange objects appear - candles, odd dolls with pointed hats and beards.
Worst of all, everything sports a ribbon around its neck. The dogs suspect that
doggies will be the next thing festooned. The bags are hauled from the closets
and everything is covered with inedible paper and, yes, more ribbon. Then the
whole mess is arranged under the tree corpse and the dogs are warned that any
urine will be sternly dealt with. One of the socks hung on the wall begins to
smell like dog toys and pricey dog treats.
Trussed up in nasty holiday sweaters with bows chafing at their necks and pride,
the dogs huddle once again. "There is more," the elder says.
"Children come." (Our home is normally a "child-free" zone -
safe for other living things.) Sure enough, human puppies spill out of cars to
tear open all the packages the dogs were forbidden to touch. Then they turn
their attention toward the dogs. The old dog braces for the assault. The pup
tries to make a break and finds that children, puppies that they are, love a
moving target. Finally everyone eats and the pup discovers what the elder dog
has known for over a decade. Sit by the kids, they drop food. Plus, in a pinch,
you can take food from them quite easily. They're always running around with
something they don't really need clutched in their tiny, dog level, hands. A sip
of punch, a cookie, a cracker, some cheese, teething biscuits, milk from a baby
bottle, a candy cane - it's a doggie bonanza for a clever thief. Sometimes
they'll even give you stuff. All in all, it's worth the overzealous hugs and
minor atrocities.
Eventually, the children, the presents, and (alas) the food, have all gone away.
The dogs eye that fat sock on the wall - the one with all the tantalizing
smells. Sure enough, their people begin dividing up the treats: a bone, a ball,
peanut butter dog biscuits, toys with the squeakers intact, stuffed animals not
yet disemboweled. The madness has brought some joy after all! In an hour
exhausted dogs will settle on the couch to watch movies even they have seen
before. As the dogs finally pass out, their people begin gently picking bits of
candy cane from their fur. The earth is spinning slowly again.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS!
Author Unknown
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