The Top 20 Reasons dogs don't use computers.

 20. They can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

19. The fetch command is not available on all platforms.

18. It's hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

17. It's too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.

16. They can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You have Mail."

15. The fire hydrant icon is simply frustrating.

14. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead giveaway they're browsing Pets.com instead of working.

13. They keep bruising their noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

12. They're not at all fooled by the Chuck wagon Screen Saver.

11. They're still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

10. But they will, with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

8. Because dogs aren't Geeks! Now, cats, on the other hand...

7. Barking in next cubical keeps activating your voice recognition software.

6. Smell-U Smell-Me is still in beta test.

5. "Sit" and "Stay" were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4. The saliva-coated mouse is difficult to maneuver.

3. They're annoyed by a lack of news groups, for example: alt.pictures.master's.leg.

2. Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

And the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...

1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.

(1. Too Hard To Type With Paws.)